- whimsy: storyteller -

no longer

Sometimes, I wonder if it applies to me too. I wonder if the phrase – “too late to go back”, holds true for me too.

Maybe I have changed so much, pretended so long, lied so deep and come so far – that there is no going back. And maybe there never was…ever since I set foot on this path.

It’s going to be like this forever. I am going to be like this forever. And I am gonna go to bed each night, every night and try to scour deep within myself in search of myself but in vain. Because I no longer remember what I look for. I no longer remember who I was or…who I am. I no longer am me.

I am a shell of lies and pretenses and falsehood. I am a fake.

~ ashmita


46 thoughts on “no longer

  1. It’s dark, but it’s so me! I resonated with that a lot, especially with the going to bed and trying to find who you really are, because some days I feel I’m very far from the person I was a year back, or a month back, or a week back, or even yesterday, but something or the other happened and some experience changed me, for better or for worse. I might have taken some decision regarding something yesterday, while I might take a different one for the same thing today.
    I feel like this happens with me especially with books, when I read something and it puts a different perspective on a lot of my actions.
    Awesome post, and keep writing! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “I am a shell of lies and pretenses and falsehood. I am a fake.”

    This was something going around in my mind for some time before I sorta threw it out. This is dark but awesome!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow. This one is wonderful. I read this again and again and again. First to understand and then to realise whether I have understood the right thing. May be since this speaks about all of us.

    Carry on penning down your words dear.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. No denying it’s dark:) But it’s beautiful! You don’t have to worry. Your writing style reflects your mood and evolves with you too. It is more important to keep writing to express yourself 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I can totally understand what you are talking about. Feelings like that is what drove me to come up with this. I am glad it resonated with you as much as it did with me. And, ah, yes books. They make me think of myself on a whole another relate. You have no idea – but u literally write down the reason behind this post without knowing 😅 We should definitely be friends Trisha!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. 😅😅😁

    I can’t follow you *frowns* the wordpress is saying that the author as deleted the site as soon as I click on it.☹️ I don’t remember if I follow you😅😅 but I can’t see your posts either. It just says that this site does not exist 😬

    Liked by 1 person

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