the text.

hey, sorry i haven’t texted you back. i’ve been anxious, i think? i can’t breathe and depressed is a word thrown around too lightly these days. i haven’t had time to catch up on socials and stuff, you know how life gets. i feel like a flute. no matter how much energy i pour in, i just can’t make the music stay. i want to say the void in me inspires me to make music, but truthfully, it’s draining me. the most basic things are beyond me now – like texting you back or heating the food before dinner. the weather has been beautiful, right? perfect for some badminton games if you’re up for it.

yesterday, i felt shivers shoot up my spine, my body tremble, my vision blur, and i felt like i would die. quora told me it was a panic attack. did you read any good books recently? i started reading this book that i really resonated with but then i fell asleep and did not wash my hair for three days. i focus on how red the sunset is and then wish i could see the red inside me fade along with it. but if i tell you, you would want to unravel the mystery behind all of this. maybe a logical solution, or a theoretical observation. i wish i could dig deeper to find a tangible reason for you to validate my fucking feelings, but i am just…i just need to sleep. how are you? i hope you’re well. i hope you know that i am not a liar. let’s hang out sometime soon!

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*so, i was arranging my bookshelf when i found some of my childhood favorites, and yes, one of them is the twilight series. and i don’t quite remember specifically which book but i found this letter that jacob had written to bella. and although it was a very i guess unimportant letter, i found the style very haunting and wanted to try it out for myself. thanx for reading. <33